So Your Wife Wants a new Bass Boat
Posted: Monday, July 31, 2006
by Sandra E. Graham
My Books and Articles
Well, sirs, don’t look so confused, because there are more wives out there than you would have ever thought imaginable that do want a new bass boat, including mine. I actually made her wait as long as I could before I finally gave in to the constant begging, hinting, and oftentimes outright sobbing.
Admittedly our old boat left much to be desired---a vintage 1974 Ranger with an old 85 horse Mercury motor that would actually start on occasion. It had seen its better days, but I still felt comfortable with the old heavy workhorse. Or, at least, I did until I threw my back out trying to manhandle it onto the middle of the trailer with a forty-knot wind hitting it perpendicular to the broad side and the tsunami-like waves of White River helping it along! This old boat was fiberglass and filled with Styrofoam making it more unsinkable than the Titanic and weighing just about as much. Now I was inclined to agree with the missus we probably did need one of those new-fangled, lightweight, weld construction aluminum jobs with the fancy painted bird on the side.
At any rate, I let my better half drag me---and I balked every step of the way---down to Hoglands, the local four-wheeler and boat dealership, to check out their new bass boats. We started at the camouflaged johnboat sitting on a couple of saw horses and worked our way up to the metallic beauty on the duel wheel trailer that cost more than my house. This boat had and did everything but fish for you and truth be told, it probably did that, too. If you haven’t been out boat shopping lately, take along your little bottle of nitro---you’re probably gonna’ need it!
After reaching the top of the line, we started working our way back down.
There was a bright red War Eagle that would have blinded any fish that came within striking distance and a warm blue number that caught the little wife’s eye, primarily because it had carpet and built-in drink holders. I had sort of gravitated toward a government-issue-green with almost no frills, other than a steering wheel, but never the less tipped the market price scale at $9,368.00 marked down from about $11,500. What-a deal! The motor alone retailed for six big ones, so what you’re really doing is buying a motor and adding a few accessories---like a boat---to it.
After much haggling and a little tire kicking, the missus won the debate. Her motor pick had a lot more extras than did mine with greater resale value. Or, at least, that’s the way the salesman talked. Her motor had been marked down to $5600.00 but was a bigger motor than the one I had picked. After all the paperwork was complete, we went home to wait through the weekend for them to hook up all the wires, cables, hoses and gauges. Should be able to pick it up the following Tuesday which didn’t sit too well with the little lady---she had planned on breaking in that new boat the very next day.
We had already sold our old work-horse-Ranger so we were landlocked for the whole week end---which turned out to be a good thing, because we were both too wound up to sit around the house and got all the mowing, weed-eating, and numerous other yard chores done that would have still been waiting had we had a boat under the carport.
Tuesday finally rolled around and we were ready to go out the door when Hogland’s called us to tell us our boat was ready to be picked up. We picked it up first thing and dragged it all around town---not just so everybody could see it---as we went to the bank and the tax office and the license bureau and a restaurant for lunch, proud as peacocks from all the admiring stares.
We got it home and spent the rest of the day loading all the fishing equipment that came off our old boat then parked it back under the carport.
Now the little missus just counts the minutes until Saturday morning and watches the sky for any sign of clouds. The good Lord don’t know what he’s in for should he allow it to rain that day!
Lucky is the man who has a wife that loves to fish as much or more than he does. I expect our only argument will be over who gets to drive the new boat first. For all the rest of you, just toss that cell phone in the lake and say you dropped it!
END
by Sandra E. Graham, (for her hubbie, Donnie Calvin) author of “Amos Jakey", published by American Book Publishing. Soon to be followed by “Nicolina" and “Ernestine".
Very funny and interesting article. I know a lot of wives fish, but this is a first---her very own bass boat????? I will keep this article away from my wife, I think. We can't afford his and hers and I've got mine. Also, where is Hogland's?
