How to Discuss Finances/Budget with your Spouse---A Touchy Subject in a Weakening Economy
Posted: Monday, January 18, 2010
by Sandra E. Graham
My Books and Articles
How long has it been since you have sat down with your husband/wife and talked about where your income is going? Never, you say? Well, you have just answered truthfully to what millions of couples would have to admit to that they haven't either. It seems that a couples' budget is not something they feel comfortable (for various reasons) discussing.
And today's economy is the very reason couples should sit down and discuss their finances and their budget. Both sides have the right to know where they stand financially. Being blindsided is not an option when one or both spouses lose their jobs and possibly face losing their homes, vehicles, etc. A backup plan wouldn't be a bad idea to work on and share with each other; a plan with which both partners are familiar and comfortable.
Work into the conversation gently. " What the h_ _ _ have you been spending all our money on??!!!!!!!!!" , is not a good ice breaker. You don't want the breadwinner to feel defensive because he/she is under attack. The breadwinner should not be made to feel afraid that he/she may not be able to provide and protect the family in a shaky economy. If you don't have a budget worked up, you should. Income should always outrank out-going expenses before any purchases (especially installment plans) are considered. All too often, savings are being depleted as jobs are lost, raises are shrinking or being cut altogether, cost-of-living is going up, and yearly bonuses are no longer dependable.
One question to ask each other is "what would we do if one of us lost our job?" And even worse, "what would we do if both of us lost our jobs?" Also, "can we retire when our time comes, or will we need to continue working until all loans and credit cards are paid off?" Other questions that may need answers----"what if our parents need help, could we afford to help them?" or "what if our older children need help?"
These are just a few of the things that a couple need to consider and discuss together. Because these are facts of life that a couple may have to face and both need to be aware of any obstacles that might make great changes in their present lifestyle. It would be so much easier for one spouse to broach the subject of family finances before it becomes a forced discussion. You know your spouse better than anyone, so plan your strategy and lay everything out into the open where two heads are better than one.
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)Hi Sandra. Great insightful article, very helpful piece. Thanks for sharing your wisdom and a great approach to a very touchy subject. Blessings. ~Nenita~Thanks for reading and commenting, Nenita.Sandra
The underlying problem must be addressed. If the couple has a good, solid relationship and communicates the specific problem won't exist. Thanks for addressing a wide spread problemThanks for reading and commenting, Jack. And welcome to Searchwarp.Sandra
Thanks for pointing out the importance of communication and honesty in a relationship.And thanks again, Jack.Sandra
Money is one thing we've never argued about. We say it's because there's never been enough to argue about. I am the cheque book balancer, and every now and then he asks me how much money we have. He looks after all of our investments and every now and then he shows me what's where. We're lucky in that neither of us has ever said no to a purchase one of us has wanted to make, but then neither of us lives beyond our means. We realize things are just things and don't make an effort to keep up with the Jones'. I think that's the secret. I think once you start buying things and hiding them from your spouse, there's a problem. Great article Sandra, and very timely given the current economic situation.You are absolutely right, Brianna. My husband and I have the same attitude. As long as the bills are paid and we know our budget can handle a purchase that one of us (or both) wants, then we go for it--but only when both agree. I never (nor does he) make a purchase without consulting the other. We have one account and I balance the checkbook, but he has access to it at all times.I knew a couple who kept separate accounts with their own incomes and tried to live one life----it didn't work out well. They were continually coming up short because one never knew how much the other was spending on individual items.Thanks for reading and commenting.Sandra
Of course this presupposes one has enough money to consider it being a budget! Just kidding...great ideas, thanks.Even small amounts of money (or especially small amounts) do need a budget---That's why I have one. Thanks Richard, for reading commenting and welcome to Searchwarp.Sandramy pleasure
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