The People in Our Lives; Do They Help Shape Who we Are?
Posted: Monday, February 16, 2009
by Sandra E. Graham
My Books and Articles
Do you ever stop to think about all the people who have come and gone in your life? And thought about how they affected your life; how they may have changed the outcome of who you are? Everyone that we cross paths with, whether to remain our friends for years to come, or in one day and gone the next, have some type of effect on us in one way or another.
Then while still at a very young and vulnerable time in our lives, we are turned over to a whole new set of adults as we enter the sometimes-terrifying world of education. If we're lucky, we are assigned a teacher who is truly intelligent and understands the over-whelming strangeness of this vast new world into which we are thrust. For next to peers, teachers probably have the most profound influence on our developing psyche. In junior high I had a teacher (Home Economics) that told me I could never wear long hair because my face was too long. I was in my late twenties before I had the nerve to allow my hair to grow long. I continually received compliments on my hair and I wondered for many years why I had let one person make such a personal decision about my life.
As we grow away from our parents and become less enamoured of our teachers, we become more and more aware of our peers. And usually without realizing it, we allow our peers to guide and shape our mannerisms to whole new levels of mutation. Things that we normally would never dream of doing or wearing suddenly become the in' things to do. Few people (at any age) wish to be considered different' or not fitting in'; so we allow more influences to take away another portion of our self'. Here again I allowed myself to be swept along with the herd' and never, never wore white after labor day!
Suddenly we are out of school and we have begun to regain some of that old self' that we had put aside during our formative years. Lucky are the few who have been capable of holding on to the better sides of their individual personality that had lain dormant for so many years. In this stage of our lives we develop more complicated and deeper friendships. Some friendships may have carried over from our younger years, but suddenly they seem different somehow, closer, more relaxed, and usually more meaningful. True friends accept you for what you are and never judge you; but true friends will also help you see the error of your ways when needed. And if you, yourself, are the friend you should be, you will accept constructive criticism gracefully.
Once I had confided in a friend that my husband and I were having problems. Without hesitation she said, "have you ever tried talking to him-really talking to him?" At first I felt betrayed; like she was taking his side instead of joining me in my pitty-party'. But later I thought a lot about what she had said and realized that she was right. I was as much the problem in the relationship as my husband. I have never forgotten what this friend said and what her words did for me.
Sometimes it is fun just to sit quietly and think back over the years and remember all the people, relatives, friends, close acquaintances, and short chance encounters that have passed through my life and how they affected or may have changed my life. What might my life have been like had I not met such and such a person? Where might I be now if I had married the boy next door instead of the Air Force man/boy that I met at the laundro-mat that fateful afternoon? Would I be as happy as I am now? Would I be rich and famous if I had taken a different road than the one I followed?
As I went through my life, often wondering who I was and what, if anything, I could do to be remembered--to leave my mark. And now as I get older--much older--I hope I have done that. I wrote and published two books, one about my father (Amos Jakey Foster) and one about my mother (Nicolina Wanda Lee (Adams) Foster. And by doing that, I feel that I have finally come full circle and returned to my full self. I know who I am and am satisfied with my lot in life.
I think that if we had taken a different path than the one we followed, we would have met different people, made different friends, but the results would have been the same; for we are who we are. And although, we allow people to influence our lives at some point in time, we always come back to ourselves-I don't think anyone can really change who we are but ourselves.As I went through my life, often wondering who I was and what, if anything, I could do to be remembered--to leave my mark. And now as I get older--much older--I hope I have done that. I wrote and published two books, one about my father (Amos Jakey Foster) and one about my mother (Nicolina Wanda Lee (Adams) Foster. And by doing that, I feel that I have finally come full circle and returned to my full self. I know who I am and am satisfied with my lot in life.
Have a wonderful life, just being you.
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Sandra E. Graham, author, AMOS JAKEY and NICOLINA published by American Book Publishing. Sandra loves to write about people and if you enjoy reading about people, you will love these books. Her first two novels are historical/adventure/fiction of early 1900's America. Sandra also writes book reviews for authors through Book Pleasures (no charge for reviews). Visit her website for more information on her books that are in print now and reviews she has written.
http://www.sandragraham-articles-books.com
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Top-level comments on this article: (7 total)Hello Sandra, as usual you inspire wonderful thought....I never understood the "Never wearing white after Labor Day" thing. I still don't think I understand it...but as your article so justly points out, I agree that I think we would all be the same if we had taken a different path. I happen to believe in destiny, but then again, my parents always said I always marched to my own drummer so to speak. Very independent, and was always devoted myself to theater, and singing, as well as becomming a stuntman, both for a theme park and the movies. That was inspired by my mother "God Rest Her Soul". She wanted me to follow the entertainment field, and gave me to tools to do that, i.e tap dancing lessons, regular dance lessons, voice lessons when I was younger, (high school age), and I have love it every since....I still do it. But things are slowing down now, I reckon there comes a time when we get older, and its a little tougher to roll off that roof, or take a 50' dive off a building, but for some reason I keep doing it.....it has been implanted I think, by those who affected my life.....but I still march to the beat of my own drummer......Great article, and great read......thanks for sharing this....your fan and friend in pen......GaryThank you so much, Gary. My mother, I think, was the greatest and best influence over my life--she instilled in me the love to read and write. I just wish she could still have been alive when I had her book (Nicolina) published. I hope she knows, somehow, that I tried very hard in it to do her justice--a tribute of sorts. The same for my father. Eight children and we all loved our parents dearly and still miss them after all these years.You are such a wonder person, Gary, and your words always fill my heart with joy. Thank you again, and again. And I am very proud of you for being you.Sandra
hi sandra,this was so on target. perfectly sequenced.the line about mother's "a compassion for the underdog" struck a note.i have always been for the underdog, and my mom was a compassionate person and a nurse, now i know where i got it from.another piece to the puzzle solved. thanks.while going through what has now been a 16 year journey to let myself out, i have had to eliminate some people in my life, and add others. i need the influences in my life to be positive, i know negative too well, i'd love to live in positive land for a while.i'm working on it.thank you for sharing your thoughts,my best regards,sueThank you so much, Sue. I, too, had to eliminate (as you say) and add new contributors to my life as well. Some were hard to do, but necessary. And slowly I, too, have grown to accept and put some unpleasantness behind me. We have to, if we are to keep our sanity. We have to be stronger than we want to sometimes.But that is the lot of a mother/parent.Thanks again for reading and commenting and the great rating.SandraThank you so much for your very kind words Sandra, it means alot to me coming from you....Bless your heart.....Gary.
Hello, Comment Queen!Sandra, would you be my second mom? You're great! Love you and your writing. You need to get on the National Best Sellers List so more can enjoy. When I go national, I'm taking you with me. ;=)Yes, we inspire many often times with little. When I lived back in Boston, I befriended a single woman in the church. Over the time of our friendship, we had many spiritual conversations. When I moved to Los Angeles, she informed me that I was instrumental in keeping her on the straight and narrow. It appears that at one point, she was going to break her covenants by grabbing a bottle of booze. But before she went off to drink, she was reminded of something I had said. I had told her at one point that because she was single that if she ran into trouble that she should go see the church authorities for help. She did so that day, thus avoiding the breaking of her covenants. And she attributes it to the simple advice I had given her.Just a mere hello or acknowledgment of another's existence is powerful beyond measure. Having a three-year-old we know the importance of watching our words, thoughts, deeds, and actions. Yes, we must all be the best we can be to aid and inspire all we come in contact with to betterment.Peace to you and yours.Thank you so much, Jeff--If you're headed for the stars, move over or let me grab your coat tail! My husband says he would like to see my books made into movies--I told him to dream on. But my main concern was leaving something for the future generations in my family--to help them get a glimpse of the people that they never got the chance to meet--and the ones who only knew them for a short time, so they wouldn't be forgotten. I have some family in California, but I have lost contact with them. I would like to send you copies of my two books if you would email me with an address. I would like to see my books make it out to the west coast. They've gone North, South, East, and Tiawan; but none to California. In my first book, my father, as a young man, works his way out to San Diego looking for a lost uncle.His brother, my uncle Frank, died several years ago in Bakersfield.Anyway, thanks for the nice comments and have a great week.P.S. I'd love to be your second MOM.Sandra
Very well done. We are who we are is exactly right. The funny thing is we sometimes don't realize the way someone affects us until much later.That's right, Michael, sometimes influence is so subtle that we don't even realize we are letting it happen. But yes, in the end, we are who we are.Thanks for reading and commenting.Sandra
Sandra,You are on fire! Every article I have read by you has been one of a personal note on my behalf. I, too have wondered the same about my environment. Thanks for sharing this.You are so sweet, Ronyae. I am so happy when my articles have special meaning to my readers. Thanks for the kind words.Have a blessed week.SandraAlways!Stay Blessed
Yes you are wonderful!!! In many more ways to me, and to others than you can imagine. I know I am very proud of you and what you stand for, because you have instilled that in me as well. You are truly a remarkable MOTHER, woman, person, and writer. I love you MOM!!And right back at you, Miss Freida! Have a truly great day and keep the faith.Mom.
Hello SandraI am so fortunate to have come across this artile of yours. Yes I am inspired again. We need to remember and honour those who influence our lives. I am sure you are a wonderful influence to many. Right now you have influenced me through your article. There is so much to learn from your experience.I am also looking forward to be agood infulence to the people around me.Thank you again. I am joining your fan club.Swapna
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